Written by: Alisa Hutton
Sorry your kid is typical
I am so sorry your child does not have special needs, I really am. I am sorry they are typical, it must be hard, and I don’t know how you do it. They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, he must have known you could handle a non-special needs child. I think of all the typical kids; all the talking they do, the sports and homework, it is a lot. You must be a very special person.
I don’t want to be rude but us parents of kids with special needs, we always feel bad for you. We don’t really ever discuss it, except with each other. We don’t want to be judgmental or sound harsh. I mean who wants to be the person to say “I am sorry your kids might not fulfill your dreams” or “I am sorry your kids might get divorced one day”.
I always have so many questions to ask but never do. Do you think your kids will get divorced? I wonder what their sexual orientation will be? I wonder if they will work one day or be lazy? I wonder if they will get fired and live in your basement? Do you think they will be successful and accomplished or just average? It is a lot of pressure to think about it, I am not sure how you do it.
Us parents of kids with special needs always feel bad for people with typical kids. I mean, we have kids that are special and unique, yours are just, you know….typical. Our kids see things that typical kids don’t. I am sorry you kid is typical.
My son is non-verbal. People always seem so concerned and upset about this. I don’t totally get it? I feel really fortunate, he taught me how to watch and listen. He taught me how to follow my instincts and heart. He taught me this because that is how he communicates and lives in the world. I feel bad for parents that don’t have this. I am sorry.
My friend’s daughter who doesn’t walk, people always act all pitiful for her, give her sad looks when she is out in public. Her daughter though, she taught her how to be still, how to calm her body and appreciate where she is. It is pretty awesome. I feel bad for parents that don’t have this. I am sorry.
Our kids they taught us about judgment, kindness, acceptance and love. They teach us about this every day. I feel bad for parents that don’t have this. I am sorry.
These kids with special needs, they have really good instincts, like freakish superhero good instincts. They let us know right away in their way who is good and kind and who is not. I know right, so awesome. Kids with special needs can sift out all the crappy people from your life, without the crappy people even knowing they are being observed. Crappy people usually don’t notice our kids. It is a little secret that all of us parents of kids with special needs keep on the down low. Our kids are, our greatest instinct. I feel bad for parents that don’t have this. I am sorry.
Since I am being open here I should also let you in on something else we feel bad about. Us parents of kids with special needs, we have a fantastic community. You know when you go to a party and there is that one person that you think is really amazing. This community of parents, they are all like this. We have a group and when we get together it is amazing and real and full of laughter, love and non-judgement. It is like the best kitchen party you have ever attended. I feel bad for parents that don’t have this. I am sorry.
On the upside of it all, we will never judge you and we will never judge your kids. We will accept you. Our kids taught us that. It is important for them, so we respect this.
I guess I just wanted to say I am sorry. I am sorry you don’t have a kid with special needs because it is really awesome. We try not to brag about all the blessings and richness it has brought to our lives. We often allow you to view us with pity because we know that you don’t really get it. You weren’t given the same gifts that we were. Your journey is different from ours and that is OK. We won’t judge you, we accept you.
Once in a while though I feel like I should say how grateful I am. Really I must have done something right in my past life to be given the special and unique child that I was. A child who has taught me so much about life and led me to this incredible place of authenticity. Our kids with special needs are seriously awesome. I do feel sorry for parents who don’t have this. I am sorry your kid is typical. It must suck that they aren’t special.
I also am sorry if what I just wrote made you feel uncomfortable, maybe upset you a little or felt offensive but it was meant to. It was meant to evoke emotions, make you think, even possibly push a button. What I wrote was what parents of kids with special needs are often inundated with.
I think what most of us would like you know is that we don’t view our kids and their needs as a hardship or something that needs to be mourned or given pity. We don’t feel our lives didn’t work out or we were dealt a bad hand. We are proud of our kids, really proud. We love them just as they are and feel blessed and grateful for them. I hope for my kids and your kids that we can nurture and grow a world that we one day see the beauty in difference, even celebrate it.
If it makes a difference, I want you to know I don’t actually think your kid is typical. I actually think when we are talking about humans the word typical is ridiculous. I think they are ALL special and unique. If they grow up and get divorced and live in your basement that it is totally OK.
Even better, tell you what you can come to my non-typical kitchen party and we will celebrate that we have perfectly imperfect lives. We can be real, honest, accepting and laugh until our faces hurt. It is always a good party.