Written by Alisa Hutton
Dear Autism Mama,
I know it is hard. I know it has changed you. I know some days you have no idea who you are or who you were. I know the darkness you sometimes feel and the shame that comes with that darkness. It is all right. I have felt it, too. I know the worries you feel in the middle of the night when no one is looking. I know the amount of times you cry and nobody notices. I hear you at 3am and 4am and 5am. I see you in the grocery store. I know sometimes you want to scream to be seen and heard and other times you would do anything to quietly disappear for a short time.
I want you to know it is all right, all of it. I want you to know that we are going to be all right. Better than all right. I want you to know that we are connected, many people won’t get it and won’t see it but I do and I know you do as well. We will keep each other company. We can hold hands and cry. We can hold hands and laugh. We can hold hands and be angry. We can hold hands and be silent. We can do this. I know we can.
Here is something that I don’t want you to forget. You are strong and beautiful, Mama. You are amazing. You have been given an incredible gift and a really hard one. That gift is our children, our beautifully different, colorful and unique children. I know and you know they carry the secret to happiness. I know and you know that we have been blessed. Most don’t see it or get it but we do. How lucky are we? Between all that stuff that feels so hard is this incredible beauty and you and I have been gifted. It is special.
On those bad days, reach out to another Mama who gets it. Look in the mirror and remind yourself you got this and you are rocking it like nobody’s business. Keep going Mama, your job is important and I love you, please don’t forget that.
Your Fellow Autism Mama